NINE

“I grew up in a home with parents that both worked in the medical field and by necessity they worked every other Sunday. Financial worries and struggles necessitated extra shifts from time to time and it was hard to make it to church. Sometimes we would go 6 weeks in a row and then not go for 2-3 months. We waxed and waned with church attendance. Despite all of this however, my parent’s testimonies never wavered and they never hesitated to share their testimonies with others especially their children. It wasn’t until later in life that I realized we would have been seen as “less active members”.

I am the second youngest in a family of six and when my siblings were old enough to drive, we would pretend to go to church when my parents worked just so that they wouldn’t be upset that we skipped it.

My knowledge of the gospel was next to nothing and when asked about it by my friends I seldom knew how to answer or respond to their questions. I attended several different Christian churches and had many great experiences and felt the spirit on numerous occasions. However, I always felt out of place when attending other churches. It had nothing to do with my upbringing or background as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints or a lack of familiarity with other churches. But rather an innate feeling that there was more.

From a young age I always felt that the true church would be “tough”. Look at the life that Jesus led, there was nothing easy about it. He was constantly persecuted, ridiculed, beat and mocked. He endured all things and asked us to be perfect even as our “Father in heaven is perfect”. A church that did not expect and ask the same of us, could not be “his” church. I was taught from a young age to have strong morals and thankfully I upheld many of them. Much of this was due to my anxiety, but hindsight has shown me that the Spirit had always been with me and helped me even in situations I knew I should not have been in.

Around 12 years old I developed quite an attitude and simply did what ever I could to avoid going to church. Things really started to turn around when I began seminary. My parents wanted all of us kids to go to seminary and made it a condition to my older siblings that if they wanted to get their license, they were required to take the younger siblings to seminary. At first, I hated getting up early in the morning to go to seminary and thought it was insane to ask us as teenagers to do so. None of my siblings graduated from seminary and as soon as the next kid in line got their license, the older sibling would drop their responsibility of driving the younger siblings to get extra sleep. My competitive nature got the best of me, and I wanted to prove to them that I was the best child so I went just so that I could say I did better than my other siblings. However, the more I attended the more I enjoyed the early morning comradery. I enjoyed my teachers and the other students there and felt welcome. I am so grateful for the people in my class because they truly were non-judgmental and made me feel welcome at all times. They never judged me, ever. If they did, they were polite enough to not let it show or to set it aside.Their examples gave me the strength to know that I would not be judged going back to church. They paved the way so that when I was ready, I went without fear of judgement, or rather that if I did not like my experience going back to church, I could still go back to seminary and feel welcome.

Once I got my license at 16 years old, I was able to drive to church, but, I didn’t. It wasn’t until one Sunday I decided to attend church most likely for a girl or something along those lines that the Bishop of the ward pulled me aside and brought me into his office. He took me under his wing and showed compassion. He was not the most sociable man and I thought he was pretty awkward at the time. I knew he cared about me though and loved me despite all that. He encouraged me to continue church attendance, to read from the Book of Mormon and to make small changes in my life. I slowly became more active and attended more and more as the Bishop invited me to do so. I also loved my Priesthood class. I had a teacher in there that was extremely outgoing and had a phenomenal, unrelenting passion and love for the gospel. When he shared his conversion story with me, I knew from the bottom of my heart it was real. I knew that someone as stubborn as him could have a change of heart and become as passionate about the gospel as he was, then was something worth investing time into.I decided to accept more invitations to attend church and to finally read from the Book of Mormon daily and pray for myself to know if the things I read from it were true. I never had an aha moment, but I kept reading and listening to others. I really just enjoyed attending church and participating. From the constant invitations to change, learn and grow from my Bishop, Priesthood Quorum teacher, seminary teachers, friends, family, high-school girlfriend, etc. I was growing my seed of faith and recognizing the spirit and inner workings of the Lord through out my whole life. I decided that it was of eternal significance to serve a mission.

I thought I was converted before I served my mission, but boy was I wrong. My mission challenged me to grow more than I ever thought possible. I have had many, many, many small and precious moments in my life and some powerful sacred experiences that I treasure and hold close and dear to my heart.

I know that conversion is not a simple one-time event, but rather the culminating experience of many. True conversion takes time. We spend our whole lives “converting” ourselves to the gospel. Never give up. Always, “experiment” upon the word of Christ. Our conversion is never completed until we are resurrected. My conversion is an ongoing process. I know that following the Gospel is tough, but that there is no greater peace, joy and happiness then following it. We will continue to have struggles and falter at times in our life. But I know that I will continue to stand and follow my Savior.”