TWELVE

“I was born into the church, but I don’t have very much recollection of going to church while I was little. My family hasn’t been very involved in the church for about as long as I can remember.

When I was 10, I took the missionary discussions from a set of Sisters. I was baptized and confirmed and don’t remember going to church after that. Then one Sunday, when I was about 12, my dad told us that if we didn’t go to church, we had to clean the house all day. I did not want to clean, so I went. While I was there, one of the girls in my class made a not so polite comment about me and I decided I wasn’t ever going back. The next Sunday came, and I didn’t go. But then my Sunday School teacher stopped by my house with one of the boys from the class and a bag of homemade oreo cookies he had promised us the week before. They told me they had missed me at church and I realized that people in the church actually were nice and my attendance actually was important! It was a game changer, at least for a couple of years.

It wasn’t long until I moved from primary to the young women’s class and I was called to be the beehive class president. I loved it! I fell in love with the church. I attended completely alone for over a year. I even made a plan to get my associates degree and go on a mission. A few of the other young women began to make comments about me being “the perfect mormon girl” but it never sounded like a good thing. In fact, I felt like an outsider and was embarrassed by it. I’m not sure what, but something weakened my testimony.

When the ward boundaries changed, I was lost. I lost all my friends and felt like there was no way I could possibly fit in, so I didn’t try. I stopped attending church despite the efforts of our Young Womens leader. I also had a lot of pride, so when my sister would make a comment about me not attending it would take away any inkling of a desire to start again. But then, girls camp happened. When I was much younger, I had watched older sisters attend girls camp and I thought it was the coolest thing ever! I made the decision then that I would never miss a year, so when the time came around I went, despite my inactivity in the church. It was such a spiritual experience. To this day, I can still remember sitting on a camp chair and realizing for one of the first times ever that God really did love me. When I came home I had an honest conversation with my mom and told her exactly what needed to happen for me to become active again. She helped to make it happen. It wasn’t long before I found my way into the Laurel presidency and that was such a growing experience. It taught me the gospel wasn’t about me.

Coming back from my inactivity, I also got my patriarchal blessing and that secured me in the church a way that I hadn’t had before. It was also the spark that caused me to begin truly pondering if I should go on a mission. I had already decided a mission wasn’t for me, so the process of unconvincing myself of that was a long one. I realized a mission was what I needed and God was asking me to do. And honestly that is where my true and lasting conversation begins.

Something I heard recently is that baptism is only the beginning of the conversion and for me it was. Coming on a mission is the hardest decision I have made, but it has also been the most rewarding. I’ve become a new person through Jesus Christ and I am infinitely thankful for the opportunity I’ve had to know him like I do.”