FORTY EIGHT

“When I was baptized I remember thinking to myself “Yes I’ve made it, I’m forever clean and fully converted”

Looking back I can do nothing but laugh at how sure but naive 8 year old me was.

Now, as a 37 year old Wife and Mother I can say for sure that I am fully converted. And credit goes to my two fathers. My Heavenly Father and my Earthly Father. 

Growing up in the church I knew exactly what should be done but thought it would be smarter to do the opposite. I always thought I knew better. I spent most if not all of my adolescence living a “double life”. I would make an appearance at church to save face then be a different person at school and around others. During that time, if it were up to me I would have left the church completely. But it wasn’t up to me, thank goodness. It was my non-member Father who made that decision for me. He would make sure I got to church every Sunday, attend mutual, firesides, youth dances. Every night we would play cards, watch some TV and then before he went to bed he made sure we prayed. He is the one that kept me connected with the Lord until I was ready to listen and continue on my own. To me, my Dad will forever be the best non-member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. 

My full conversion didn’t come until I was in my early 30s. Yep only 4 or so years ago. I went through a traumatic experience that brought me to the brink of utter physical and emotional exhaustion. One day, in the midst of it all, I couldn’t get out of bed. I remember telling the kids that they could take the day off school because I couldn’t bring myself to getting them ready. It was mid-morning I lay there feeling the darkness consuming me, alone, thinking you can’t get out of this one, when the Holy Ghost spoke to me so clearly saying “Pray”. In that moment, in pure desperation for relief I listened and obeyed. I rolled out of bed straight to my knees. I wouldn’t say I prayed, I begged. 

I begged my Father in Heaven for Comfort, for Peace, to take the pain away and to feel His Love. All those words in repetition. Comfort, Peace, Love.

And then, in an instant, I felt it. Overwhelming Comfort, Peace, His Love. Heavenly Father knew I needed him right away, he felt the urgency. And he came. 

It was in that moment I was able to fully function that day and everyday day after that. From that day everything became easy. 

I have come to accept that I am definitely one of God’s children who thrives off of learning the hard way. I can truly say I am grateful for all the trials I have experienced. They brought me closer to my Father in Heaven, strengthened my testimony immensely and has given me unwavering Faith. 

I will never deny the power of my Heavenly Father’s Love, I will never doubt it. I will never forget it. I will never stray from Him. I will always look to Him in ALL that I do. He is real, he is there for us. Always.”