“I felt happy whenever I’d walk into church. I grew up going to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and loved it. It was a calm environment where everybody smiled at me, and I felt the gentle Spirit of peace there.
But as I was growing up, I was hunting for a true sense of belonging. It felt like every time I got closer to being better at loving or being a good friend, I’d get shut down. I felt as though all my efforts were for nothing, because no matter how hard I tried, I somehow failed someone. I got to the point where there were days where I couldn’t breathe because I couldn’t bear disappointing yet another person.
So I got really into studying Psychology and social interaction and learning all about body language, and while it helped me learn how to better please others, it didn’t fix the deep cracks in my heart. I was trapped.
It wasn’t until I deepened my personal commitment to our Savior Jesus Christ that I began to understand how deeply He knows me and can heal me. I’d grown up my whole life being told He knew me and everything I’d gone through, but I just didn’t understand how He could heal me.
So I started praying hard. On my knees. By my bedside. Ripping open my heart and offering it to my Father in Heaven, because He promised me (and all of us!) that if I give Him my all, He’ll give me His all. All His blessings, all His wisdom, all His hope, line upon line, precept upon precept.
And then I feasted on the word of God.
I went to church and partook of the Sacrament, or the bread and water to remember Jesus Christ. And for those in my church, it’s like being rebaptized, wiped clean through the blood of Him who is mighty to save, every single week. And each week, I’ve tried to recommit myself to do better and be better, not in the toxic perfectionist way I’m so apt to do, but in the way where I know He walks beside me every step of the way, encouraging me and offering me His grace.
He’s shown me a little more of who I am: a divine daughter of God, deserving of love, trying to let His love shine through me as I strive to always remember Him.
I’m still broken in some ways. But His perfect healing doesn’t need to be all at once, because His grace will refine me until that point. I love Him. I come to know Him as He unmasks a bit more of me to myself each day. I know that as we do the small and simple things, He will help us find true hope and love.
And I invite you to come to know Him too, so you can find the same comfort, grace, and relief I have.”
“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).
I Am Converted 