EIGHTY

“I believe conversion isn’t an event, it’s a process. So if I were to tell you how I became converted, it’d be my entire life. But there are a few parts that are more significant to me than others. One of which is when I got my mission call.

I had been planning to serve a mission since I was around 12 years old. I had no doubt in my mind and I made sure everybody else knew it. I continued to have no doubt, that is until about a month or so after I got my call. I started feeling uneasy about serving a mission so I went to the temple and prayed about it. The answer I received was to not go. Honestly, I was relieved. I had been wrestling with myself for weeks as to what I should do and it was a relief to finally have an answer. I called my parents and they made sure it was what I wanted. I then cancelled my mission and started making other plans.

I signed a housing contract and canceled my deferment from school. I had a lot of supportive friends throughout the whole process which helped me have the courage to do what I felt God was leading me to do. I went home for the summer and everything was great. The thought of serving a mission, however, never left my mind. While I was home, a couple of my friends left on missions and that made me even more mindful of serving a mission. I decided to ask again, so I went to the temple with my parents. Once again I got the answer of no. I was satisfied with the peace but the thought kept returning.

A week or so later I went to the temple with one of my best friends before she started her mission. I had been feeling like I should ask again. This time I did it a little differently. I told God what my plans were and I asked him to tell me if that was the right path. I felt good about it so I applied to a college nearby, got accepted, and started looking at housing. Everything was going smoothly and I was getting excited. But slowly things started to not work out. I was confused. I thought this was the right path? I didn’t want to ask again.

I felt like Martin Harris when he asked Joseph Smith to ask God if he could show the Book of Mormon manuscript to his wife. He kept asking and when he got the answer of do as you please it didn’t end well and they lost the manuscript. I had to figure out if I was trying to follow God’s plan for me or if I was trying to do what I wanted. I kept feeling I needed to ask again, but I pushed it away for a while.

Then I decided I wanted to ask one more time. My parents were going out of town and I decided not to go with them. My excuse was that I didn’t want to miss my friends farewell talks that were that Sunday (which was true) but I also wanted to go to the temple by myself. In all the months I had been endowed I had never gone through by myself. So I did. I drove an hour and a half to the temple and when I was there I asked my question. This time I asked if it was what God wanted me to do. A feeling of peace enveloped me and I began to cry. I knew then that this is what I needed to do. The next day at church after my friends farewell I had no idea who to talk to so for some reason I decided to join the girls talking to the sister missionaries. After the girls left I somehow said something about how I was planning on serving a mission. They got really excited for me. After family home evening my stake president asked me about my plans to serve a mission and the process of putting my papers in again was put on 5x speed. He told me that it was very unlikely that I’d get assigned to the same place so I made peace with that. I filled out all the paperwork and met with my stake president about a week later. Then a little over a week after that he came by the house and told us that I had been reinstated. I had been reinstated to my same assignment. About two weeks later I started my mission.

I started my papers in the beginning of June and started my mission on June 27. I know it wouldn’t have been such a quick and smooth process if it wasn’t what God wanted for me. I’ve struggled to understand why it had to happen this way, why I couldn’t have just started when I was originally supposed to.  But I’ve come to peace with it. And through this process I’ve been able to draw closer to my Savior and I’ve learned better how the Spirit speaks to me. I’ll continue to become more and more converted throughout my life as I continue to strengthen my faith and knowledge of the gospel and as I rely more on the Savior. I know that God has a plan for each and every one of us and they’re all different. He is aware of our every need. I know he loves me and I know he loves you. I hope that we can all continue to become converted!”