“The loss of a loved one is one of the most devastating news anyone can receive. For me, that news came to me when I was 9 years old.
My mom was pregnant with her 4th child; a soon to be baby boy. We had a bedroom ready for his arrival, and family in town to help out. But on the night of August 1st, my mom started having contractions. My dad rushed her to the hospital and they saw flutters of a heartbeat. They did an emergency c-section and had several doctors in the room, trying to save this sweet baby boy. After about a half hour of trying, the doctors couldn’t save him.
Losing a child is one of the most devastating news any parent could receive. It’s a feeling that I can’t even comprehend. Being 9, I couldn’t process what happened. My grandpa had woken me and my siblings up and told us he didn’t make it, but we were so naive. I remember getting excited to see my parents at the hospital, relieved to be reunited with them. Until my Dad opened the hospital room door, and immediately a cloud of gray surrounded the room. I remember seeing 3-4 nurses in the room all crying, and my mom in the worst condition. I remember her trying to force a smile as we started to approach her.
Nothing could have prepared me for that moment. Nothing could have prepared my mom especially. I would sit in the corner of the hospital room with no emotion. I wouldn’t shed a tear, but I wouldn’t smile or laugh either. I felt so empty inside; this numb feeling. My birthday was 2 days later, and that suddenly didn’t matter anymore. Any normal emotions I had, immediately vanished. I remember struggling to fall asleep at night, constantly replaying what had happened, and having fears that I’d lose my family and be left all alone. That numb empty feeling stuck with me for weeks. I felt like I was in a dream. I didn’t know how to react or what to feel; it felt impossible to process anything.
How do you mourn for the loss of your brother, when you never actually met him? How can you process a moment like that, when you’re used to so much joy? How do you react to everything? How do you go to sleep at night knowing everything is going to be ok?
One night, when I was going to sleep, my Dad came into my room. He told me that my brother passing could’ve torn our family apart, but instead it brought us together. He taught me that families are together forever and that when we die, we’ll see him again. And I never forgot that.
That moment changed my life. It is the reason why I have a testimony, and how I came to know that this church is true. I’m forever grateful for the gospel and how it has impacted my life. And because of our Savior, Jesus Christ, I will see my brother again”
I Am Converted 