FORTY FIVE

“I grew up in the church.

My parents grew up in the church.

Their parents grew up in the church and so on and so on.

I went to church each Sunday, and was baptized at 8 years old. I attended all the activity days, mutual nights, youth conferences, dances, and went to seminary each morning before the sun was up.

I was your typical “mormon girl”. However, my “testimony” was not my own. I did the things I should because it felt worthy of my time and because I was expected to. I had only read the Book of Mormon twice. Once for seminary, and once because my dad told me he’d pay me $100 if I did it. I never veered far off the straight and narrow because I wanted to be obedient to what my parents expected of me. 

My life seemed to take a turn in Jr. High School. 

In my 8th grade year I made the school’s drill team and was bullied nearly every day. The girls were cruel, and my self esteem hit rock bottom. 

I had the best parents you could have and they were always there to support me and lift me up, but that year of shameless teasing, and continuous torment shook me to my core.

I found myself making a series of bad decisions in high school that made my “straight and narrow” path a lot harder to stay on.

It was a very inspired bishop in my student ward at BYU-Idaho that not only helped me reconstruct the foundation of my life, but helped me gain a testimony of my own.

One day after classes were finished, my bishop called me into his office. I sat down in the chair opposite of him. He looked me right in the eyes and said, “I don’t know why you were supposed to come in today, but I think you do.” In that moment I poured my heart out to him, and began the repentance process.

I remember walking out of the building that day like it was yesterday.  It was one of those spiritually defining moments that no matter how much time passes, you can never forget.

I felt like the weight I’d been unknowingly carrying around with me for years was finally lifted off of me. The sun seemed to shine a little brighter that day. All of the colors seemed to be a little more vibrant, and for the first time in a very long time I felt truly happy. And I knew it was the power of the Atonement working in my life. 

I had never felt so loved by my Savior as I did walking home that day.

The road to repentance wasn’t an easy one. I have been tried and tested many more times in my life since then, and I am sure there are plenty more road blocks ahead. But because of this experience I know without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord will be right by my side helping me and coaching me through each one.

During these years in my youth I felt alone, broken, and worthless. Through the power of the Atonement, I feel comforted, whole, and worthy of His love. 

No matter what you have been through, what you have done, or who you have hurt, Heavenly Father is anxiously waiting for you to reach out to him so that he can pour out his love upon you and show you your divine potential.

He truly has become one of my best friends. He knows me better than anyone else. I know he is there for me on my worst days, and my best. He is the one constant in my life I know that I can count on, and when I feel low, he is there to buoy me back up.

No one is too far gone to run back into His loving arms.”